Death Lies Upon Us – A Pirates Review

The fourth installment in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise has been in theatres for about six weeks now, making this review a little redundant. But considering the redundancy of the film itself, this almost seems fitting.

Done in 3D, of course, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Strangers Tides sees a plethora of gluttonous pirates lead by Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp, obviously) back in action on a quest to find the elusive fountain of youth, only to run into Captain Barbossa (Geoffery Rush), Blackbeard (Ian McShane) and his cunning daughter along the way.

Plunk that story line into every other Pirates movie and you already know how things play out: Johnny Depp runs a lot with that eccentric Jack Sparrow swagger of his, tricks a lot of people so that he gets his way, makes a lot of half-assed one liner jokes, indulges in a number of fancily choreographed sword fights and in the end, everything works out to his benefit.

What is missing from this unnecessary sequel is Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly, though that doesn’t mean it lacks any attempt at a love story. They do their best to replace the two with a baby faced clergy man (Sam Claflin) who falls for a beautiful mermaid (Astrid Berges-Frisbey).

And then there is Blackbeard’s daughter, played by Penelope Cruz, who once carried a fiery torch for Jack Sparrow and is now determined to burn him with it. Bring on the sexual tension!

Honestly, the movie wasn’t as terrible as expected. It was entertaining enough and didn’t stray much from the safe formula of the previous Disney movies. It really wasn’t necessary, but there have been many movies far more painful to sit through.

Besides, Johnny Depp just looks so pretty with all that eye liner and makes staring at a screen for 136 minutes very fulfilling.

Images from Google Images