The Break of Dawn is Finally Among Us

We are proud/ashamed to say that we were wrapped up in all this Twilight chaos well before there ever was any chaos to be wrapped up in. We read the books before there was a bandwagon to jump on, and while they were poorly written, they were entertaining enough for what they were, kind of a new young adult genre stepping outside of the Anne Rice vampire world.

When they announced they were turning the series into movies, we bought tickets to go see it the first night it premiered in Toronto, unbeknownst to us that that night would be one of the worst nights of our lives and would be the beginning of a mind numbing nightmare that would haunt us for the next four years.

Thankfully, this weekend the last and final installment of the Twilight movies, Breaking Dawn Part 2, hits theatres and we were… lucky… enough to snag VIP pre-screener passes to see it at the Shangri-La Hotel last night before it opened to the masses in theatres at 10pm.

The VIP screening actually made the whole thing worthwhile. The Shangri-La’s swanky “screening room” held only 40 elite, none of which were screaming Twi-twats. We were seated on couches, were given free drinks (non alcoholic, sadly, we could have used that booze), popcorn and salted nuts. It felt like we were just hanging out in someone’s living room watching a movie with our closest friends. If we’re going to have to sit through this movie, may as well do it in style. And for free.

We aren’t going to waste our time reviewing the movie, it is what it is (though this was one of the least horrible of the five). Instead, we’d like to focus on the few lingering thoughts we are left with after the finale of the Twilight franchise:

 


–    If vampires are these strong immortal beings, why is it so easy to pull their heads off?

–    Why do girls insist on bringing their boyfriends to these movies? Wouldn’t they rather see something like this with a group of girlfriends instead of listening to someone complain all night about how horrible it all is?

–    Does Charlie (Bella’s father) seriously not notice that Bella and Edwards “adopted niece” has aged and grown rapidly in the past months? There’s a growth spurt and then there is a vampire/mortal child growth spurt. 

–    Not to mention how cool and calm Charlie is with Jacob turning into a giant dog and Bella refusing to tell him why she is ‘different’, suddenly healthier and doesn’t look  like herself.

–    How can Robert Pattinson be a part of this franchise when he clearly hates it so much
(see: Robert Pattinson Hates His Life)

–    Are we the only ones who think that the story would have been better if the epic battle between then Cullens and the Volturi actually happened and that’s how the book/movie ended?

–    How can everyone in Forks just be okay with Jacob “imprinting” on a baby?

–    Why do vampires sparkle?

–    Emmett is too beefy, Veronica wants to climb him.


–    Why on earth would 100+ year old vampires choose to keep repeating high school?
One day, we are going to write the anti-twilight and return the world to its rightful state. This we promise you. Until then, let’s hope this epidemic dies down and stays dead.

images from google images

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